100 word challenge

September4

Mike and Kye raced ahead of their Mum. They stopped right in the middle of the patch of lawn.

“You want to have the picnic there.” Their Mum yelled out

“No look.” Kye yelled back pointing to the ground. Their eyes where wide and staring at the ground. When there Mum caught up to them her eyes widen. There were two big holes shaped as footprints. They were two big and two deep to be human. Mike’s foot compared, was at least three times smaller. Then there was a growl and a monster appeared. It was brown and it could reach a passing airplane.

“Hello, can I be your friend?”

by posted under Uncategorized | 2 Comments »    
2 Comments to

“100 word challenge”

  1. September 4th, 2017 at 6:35 pm      Reply brynn2016 Says:

    Hi Lilly,
    Good 100 WC. I like how quickly the story became intresting. Some feedback is to watch your grammar. With out certain marks like commas, or question marks what the sentence means may not match your intention. You sentence ‘You want to have lunch here.” should of been “Do you want to have lunch here?” Instead it was a statement like the Mum was telling her child where he wanted to have lunch.
    -Brynn


  2. September 10th, 2017 at 10:04 pm      Reply antsclass Says:

    Lilly- awesome work!
    I love the way you have ventured into 3rd person perspective with this. The voice of the narrative comes through perfectly- you allow us to see from all the character’s perspectives.
    The whole piece is wonderfully structured and paced. Your sentence structure also shows economy of language-only needing few words to express so much.
    …and the ending is a HOOT!
    great work!
    Ant


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